THE ELEGANCE OF UNINTENDED CONSEQUENCE

I recently treated a friend very badly, very badly indeed. I did not intend the insult. It was an unconcious action to provocation and I immediately regretted it. She no longer speaks to me.

It was not until this happened that I understood how negative the relationship had become. How many times we trawled the same old grievances, the same old stories, told the same old jokes, found the same old faults. We had become so inflexible in our dealings with each other, so ritualistic in our manners, so conscious of our debts to each other that the relationship had become a millstone, a hinderance to even a peaceful life, let alone a progressive one. I did not realise this at the time. It was not until the space and distance had been created that I saw that far from regret, my overriding emotion should have been relief.

Old friends can be a comfort. They can anchor us to normality and can point out changes in ourselves that we cannot see in the mirror or less familiar friends would understand or even feel entitled to point out. But old friends tend not to change with us or like us to change at all and prefer to keep us as they understand us so that they can predict our behaviour and manage us accordingly.

It is tough and confusing to loose old friends. Familiarity is comforting. But there is a freedom in moving on and an exilaration in those first few hours of open road ahead. A buzz worth the price.

Gray Dourman
www.magichelix.com