WHY CANADA IS NOWHERE...

I grew up looking down this road. Literally. When I found out where it went. I was disappointed. So I turned around and went back to where I came from. But I couldn't stay.

Call it cabin fever, I call it the unmitigating boredom of rocks, trees and grass that never change. The tyranny of seasons that come and go with mind numbing predictability. Of the same birds that turn up every year and sing the same songs. It is the oppressive influence of the landscape that sculpts the Canadian character. Pedantic, predictable, purist.

The city at the end of this road was not much better than nowheresville I came from. It was the same only with more Canadians. I did not find what I was looking for until I left Canada for good. It took me a few attempts but I finally made it. Now I revel in the complex metropolis that is Europe.

Fly you fat ducks. There are people out there and people who are worth knowing.

Gray Dourman

www.magichelix.com

THE ELEGANCE OF UNINTENDED CONSEQUENCE

I recently treated a friend very badly, very badly indeed. I did not intend the insult. It was an unconcious action to provocation and I immediately regretted it. She no longer speaks to me.

It was not until this happened that I understood how negative the relationship had become. How many times we trawled the same old grievances, the same old stories, told the same old jokes, found the same old faults. We had become so inflexible in our dealings with each other, so ritualistic in our manners, so conscious of our debts to each other that the relationship had become a millstone, a hinderance to even a peaceful life, let alone a progressive one. I did not realise this at the time. It was not until the space and distance had been created that I saw that far from regret, my overriding emotion should have been relief.

Old friends can be a comfort. They can anchor us to normality and can point out changes in ourselves that we cannot see in the mirror or less familiar friends would understand or even feel entitled to point out. But old friends tend not to change with us or like us to change at all and prefer to keep us as they understand us so that they can predict our behaviour and manage us accordingly.

It is tough and confusing to loose old friends. Familiarity is comforting. But there is a freedom in moving on and an exilaration in those first few hours of open road ahead. A buzz worth the price.

Gray Dourman
www.magichelix.com

Up William and Kate's royal arseholes...

Royal crap...tourists come and get it...let's pretend that the royals are really cool...let's buy a mug with the picture of a mug embellished on it...so that stupid, deluded sycophants can pretend they are touching history...which is mostly made up....kick the queen out of all her castles and let her collect housing benefit like are the rest of the state dependents...there's no shame in it...the state is an industry...citizens are its customers...the Monarchy is no different.

Gray Dourman

http://www.magichelix.com/

LOOKING INTO THE WILD BLUE...

I cannot think of anything more beautiful than the colour of the sky. I will tell you why. It is where you go when you die.

http://www.magichelix.com

CHINA:on our knees for new TVs...

The posture, tone and statements made of David Cameron, Prime Minister of the United Kingdom, in China over the past week demonstrate in no uncertain terms how low we must now bow to the God of consumerism. Volume. More TVs, more songs, more clothes, more cars, more...more...more...and to get more lets us enslave and trample the rights of millions. Let us relegate them to urban prisons, teach them to work endless hours for miserable remuneration, blight their lives with hopes that their children with live better lives than they. Let us sacrifice the principals that our fathers and mothers and their fathers and mothers fought for, died for, suffered for, so that we can buy yet another piece of plastic, another cashmere jumper, another fake Fender guitar. Come on lets do it. Better yet, lets take a crap job at subsistance wages so that those who are lucky enough to control sufficient capital now can take care of their children, send them to expensive independent schools where they can meet expensive friends whose families control capital and recommend that we bow to the totalitarians and keep our mouths shut so that we can buy just one more television to watch us bow and zip our lips one more time.

ONE AUTUMN DAY...

ONE AUTUMN DAY

Waking up in the morning, stiff and groggy. Stayed up late in Europe watching football in America. The sun and blue, blue sky leak through my blinds. The everyday chores of an everyday life begin. More computers are installed. More screens. More programs.

I remember the woods. The silent woods of my youth. Where nothing happened. Where dew dripped from the branch above my head, slowly, like chinese water torture.

Outside my window a pneumatic drill breaks up the pavement. The city is living, breathing and growing. Faster than the forest. And the clouds contain the data that runs our lives.

http://www.magichelix.com/

THE FUTILITY OF MEMORY...

We think in myths. Myths about ourselves, untruths, stories we tell ourselves that explain our feelings, our behaviour. Old photos contradict our versions of events. Letters we have written, the contents of which we now deny, are stained and shabby, evidence that we were once different people. There is nothing but now. Yet there are other worlds. Dreams that are like us, but not quite us. These dreams, these memories, tell us something, but what? We may interpret them to our convenience but they are not the truth and we know it. We know the truth about ourselves but fail to believe it. We would rather dwell in the dreams than live in the reality.

In Memory

My mother recently passed away. She was nearly ninety years old. She was not a perfect woman but left behind a large legacy of healthy, reasonably happy and successful children and grandchildren. Life creating life. Joy replicating joy. Misery begetting misery. The world turns and mankind yearns.

IT'S THE GENRE STUPID....

What's the point of trying to seduce a Chinese woman if you can't speak Chinese. I admit it can be done but it isn't easy. That's what I'm finding out here in cyberspace. You have to find kindred spirits if you want to be heard. In the physical world people are polite. They will listen to your prattle with a faint smile if you listen to theirs. In here you don't have that luxury. You have to find people who think and act like you. Is that a good thing? Not so sure. If we all hang out with like minds...where will that lead us?

Gray Dourman
www.magichelix.com

THE TYRANNY OF PRIVILEGE

The response of the Republicans to the passage of the health care bill is a disgrace. The outrageous language and misinformation emanating from spokespeople…i.e. compulsory health insurance is the first time any American government has demanded its citizens buy something. Try driving a car without insurance. This one small example of how once people get into a position of power and privilege they cannot let go of it without terrorising and oppressing the people waiting for their turn to enjoy the fruits of their labour. In the UK it is the independent school system sucking resources, good teachers and through their charitable tax status and network of alumni scholarships, the best and brightest emerging from the state primary system, leaving worthy, enthusiastic, valuable children to the mercy of less experienced but well meaning teachers and headmasters. The results is class divide inappropriate in a 21st century that has fought long and hard through the preceding centuries for equality and respect for the contribution each hard working, brave and dedicated citizen has made to everyone’s well being. The nurses, soldiers, refuse collectors, bus drivers….etc…make this world just as habitable as the corporate magnate, the lawyer, the banker. Yet who controls the wealth? Who gets to decide who gets a quality education, and therefore social position and opportunities for elevation? Those who have, those who control, those who would kill to keep. Hurray to Obama and his brave fight. Stand up, stand up for your rights. Start by removing charitable tax status from the independent school sector in the UK.
Gray Dourman
www.magichelix.com

JIHAD IN THE CITY

Take young men,

Tell them of partition,

Of torture and tyranny,

Suffered by their ancestors,

When they lived in the colony.

Educated, strong and free,

Trap them in a place

Where they never see a friendly face,

Outside the family.

Send rockets, missiles and guns,

To slaughter their loved ones,

In the old countries beyond the sea.

Give them a voice,

Then fear what they say,

Give them a choice,

Then slight the God to whom they pray.

Jihad brothers lay down your arms.

Walk away.

Jihad sisters employ your charms.

Lets build bridges...Let's build a better day.

Gray Dourman

www.magichelix.com

FREE MARKET VS THE PEOPLE

Greece is just one illustration of the pervasive cynicism of greed. Not only the corruption and deceit engendered by tax evading freebooters but also the way banks have used money provided by beleaguered taxpayers to attack the very governments who provided them with the bailouts. Fraud at Lehmans, fraud in Milan, Madoff, shrugged off as just so much financial engineering. And what do these greed sated goofballs buy with their booty...yatchs, women, diamonds etc. etc. etc. Will they pass through the eye of the needle. I think not.

LIVING BODY, DEAD MIND

I heard the news today. Alzheimers is on the ramage in America. Zombies walking around forgetting people's names, forgetting where they live, forgetting the life they led. Modern medicine keeps the body alive and the mind withers. What's the point. Wouldn't it be better not to prolong the physical beyond the ability of the mind to co-exist comfortably. It's a bit like a married couple where the wife, enamoured by plastic surgery becomes a living manniquin, while the husband lets nature takes its course. The Alzheimers victim become a stranger in their own bodies. Let nature take care of us.

Gray Dourman
http://www.magichelix.com/

ECHOES IN A VOID

Out the mouth, no one is listening. What is to be said? Quiet the mind, but it is not dead. The voices babble inside the skull. The ideas whirl from brilliant to dull. The life has been lived, the money spent, the body abused, vessel empty and now the waiting begins. The life leaks away, carried away in the urine stream. What is left but reflection and regret? The creaking body rises from bed. Blindly hoping you'll be better off dead.

Gray Dourman
www.magichelix.com

CAN'T TEACH, WON'T BE TAUGHT

There is always a point in someone's life when someone else tries to tell you how to do something. They call it teaching. It is as fundamental to the human character as eating or talking. It forms and perpetuates the culture an individual is born into. Cultural evolution and adaptation emerge from the process of teaching. We are what we were taught.

Put down those books and walk into the wilderness naked. Learn, but refuse to be taught.

Gray Dourman
www.magichelix.com

SPRING IN LONDON

What should I do with the rest of my life?

Soak in the bath?

Argue with my wife?

What should I do with the rest of my day?

Sit in the park?

Watch the kids play?

Gray Dourman

www.magichelix.com

WHAT ARE WE DOING HERE?

Years ago I was working with a rock band that was playing to about ten to fifteen people every night of the week. Fed up the bass player turned up his volume. The lead guitarist followed suit to prevent being drowned out. The drummer and the vocalist retaliated in kind. Two years later they were playing at ear splitting volume to adoring thousands. The more extreme the envornment, the more extreme the entertainment media becomes, the stimulated the audience, the louder, flashier, more fantastic, the more...the more....The voice of gentle reason is submerged and entertainment looks for thrills rather than education and enlightenment. Can we ever turn the volume back down?

MICHAEL WILL BE MISSED...

Nothing much to say. Dreary in every way. Micheal Foot, a modern hero, died today.

Gray Dourman
www.magichelix.com

WHY BOTHER?

You wake up and follow the routine. You move through the days toward the inevitable end. The colours change, a little. The faces are all different but all the same. So many style of shoe but they all have toes and heals. Life just drifts away, day by day by day. Watch it disappear, tear by tear by year.

www.magichelix.com

GREY HAIR IS POISON

Look at it! It's all over me. My nuts have grown, my dick has shrunk! It's the hair! It's sucking the life out of me! Help!

www.myspace.com/ironandhorse

BE CAREFUL OR THEY'LL PUT YOU IN A HOME

A Friend of mine read yesterday's blog and told me to be careful of ever expressing any rage after you get grey hair. They put angry people with grey hair in homes where they can remove it with medication. I have promised my wife and kids that I will never express any more anger. Even when my wife treats me like an idiot and when my kids treat me with disregard. I will be calm always. Better tranquility without medication where I can at least decide which TV I want to watch, than medicated tranquility where I can't move enough to change the music.

DEEP SADNESS, TOTAL IRRELEVANCE

As one gets older one is torn in two ways. There is one side that is quieter, more resigned, less competitive. One the other is a rage that cannot be expressed. The rage of the grey heads is too ridiculous to merit serious consideration. It is a rage that smolders when people look through you like you are not there; don't listen to you because they think they've already heard what you have to say; use everything because they think you've already had your share.

RAINY DAY, NOWHERE TO PLAY

A troubador with a toy guitar sits gazing at a far off star. He wonders when the words will come. He wants to let the feelings run. The days of youth are gone. The working days are through. He sits at home all day long with little or nothing to do. Age is cast aside like dried grass burnt by the sun. Clawed hands loose their grip. And memories from the mind slip. I am done. I am done.

Gray Dourman

www.magichelix.com

HANGING OUT

A long time ago, in another land, I was well known, respected and in general, understood. Now I am a stranger, an alien, the originator of outlandish ideas that have no following whatsoever. Nobody comes to find out what I'm thinking or doing. I believe it is because my hair was black then and now it is grey. It seems to me hair colour is fundamental to image perception. Grey registers irrelevance, obstruction, senility. And who cares what senile old men think?

LOOKING FOR FOLLOWERS

Stone grey sky,
Lonely women cry.
Their men have gone to war,
Their men have gone to die.
On the shingled shore,
Frozen to the core,
They've heard the lie before.
They won't hear it anymore.

Gray Dourman
www.magichelix.com

ONE VIEW OF CREATION

God plundered man to make his mate,

A woman with whom he could fornicate.

Woman plundered man for all he had,

And he let her do it,

Cause it wasn't half bad.

Gray Dourman

http://www.magichelix.com/

ONE MORNING, TWO EMOTIONS

Dark waters ripple beneath the bridge and bounce the morning light back into my eyes. I know the water is cold and the current runs too swiftly to swim against. Yet I feel strangely compelled to plunge into it, to let its force carry me away to whatever shore chance make take me. I grip the railing. My knuckles turn white. I want to vault into the crisp winter morning and yet I trudge on like the hollow men. The city smokes on the other side of the river and I am resigned to inhaling its poison. My only reward, fine wine, gorgeous food and beautiful women.

Gray Dourman
www.magichelix.com

WHAT'S WORTH KNOWING?

I'm not the parent of a severly disabled child. My son is not a drug addict (yet). My wife is not a transvestite. So what do I have to say that's worth publishing? What do I know that most everyone else doesn't. I've travelled ( a lot). I've been rich. I've been poor. Been published. Had my paintings hung. My songs recorded. So what? Worked in a big bank, busted rock in a quarry. What have I learned? What can I share? Who's out there...anywhere? I've always been compelled to write. Some of it is even worth reading. Some of it was evidently worth buying. But like the real world, most of it is just air. My endeavour is keep on digging until I find something worth knowing. Thanks for joining me.

COLLATERAL DAMAGE

There are times when the news of collateral damage deeply disturbs but are there really any innocent bystanders. Are not we all participants in the emerging events of life? Can we stand by and watch as war rages, babies are born, markets collapse, daughters are married and not be touched, not be moved, not be frightened. Ask not for whom the bell tolls. Ask not does it toll for thee. We are not alone. What happens to you. Happens to me.

Gray Dourman

WWW.MAGICHELIX.COM

Foreigner

Last night watching an old episode of Conan O'Brien's Tonight Show I saw an old band called Foreigner. They were big in the late 70's early 80's. I was shocked and confused. Where was the dignity? Some Steve Tyler look alike prancing around like a withered dildo in tight red trousers wobbling his booty rather than shaking it. If we deserved respect, we have to act like we merit it. Pandering for praise, mutton dressed up like lamb, the computer based audio enhancement, the pancake make up, the tinted glasses to hide the wrinkles is laughing in father time's face and father time has served us too well for too long to treat him with such disregard.

SNOW

The splendid Autumn days are gone,

Replaced by Winter's frozen dawn.

Gone is the starry night

And I see

My hair has turned snowy white.

The path I followed had disappeared,

It did not lead where I feared.

For I find myself,

In a familiar place.

While my eyes reside,

In a stranger's face.

Gray Dourman

http://www.magichelix.com/

The Rise and Rise of the Military

Again. It's happening all over again. Everything is about dead soldiers. Soldiers who died protecting me. I heard it as a kid when there was fighting in Korea. I heard it when they asked me to go to Viet Nam. I heard it when they were beefing over the Falklands, Iraq...etc. etc. etc....I didn't believe it then and I don't believe it now. Support the side you believe in by all means, but keep out...troops on foreign soil...it's colonialism by any name...Millions to Haiti...Billions to kill a few religious zealots...doesn't add up to me

I left cyberspace and now I'm back. ...

I left cyberspace and now I'm back.  Two things brought me back.  The first was the embarrassment I felt watching The Who perform at the Super Bowl.  Two electronically supported old codgers hacking away, out of tune, out of time, out of ideas.  Retire gracefully, I plead. To everything there is a season.  Don't buy into that utterly narcissistic idea that you're only as old as you feel.  That's quite clearly dillusional as demonstrated here.

 

The second experience was also media,  BBC's The Virtual Revolution.  The good doctor who writes and presents this profound, thought provoking, visually beautiful television, has opened my sleepy eyes and inspired me to think again.  I am updating my .com, rejuventating my myspace and starting a facebook.  I don't know where I'm going, but I'll let you know when I get there.

 

Best

Gray